o, I never posted in this thread...

well, I speak French natively. I also speak English somewhat acceptably after years of practice (read: being a nerd).

also, derpy brain thinks it can reverse-engineer Japanese. as if DS hardware quirks weren't already bad enough.

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

bürp

what's up

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NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

yeah well.

the board is going to be 9 years old. that's rad. well, it's a shell of its former self at this point. but, yea.


I don't know where to begin so I'm going to go straight to the thing I want to talk about. recent events prompted me to post this.

throughout the years I have done many things that were outright shitty. authoritarian management when some issues could have been handled in better ways (like in the SMG2.5 days). trolling the shit out of RVLution. harassing people I perceived as idiots and had conflicts with, shaming them in public, throwing shit at their derpboards. sometimes resorting to really low-grade attacks (like when I used transphobic attacks against certain people -- now it turns out I'm also trans, go figure).

a lot of this is not okay. the internet is not a game, online harassment etc can have very real consequences. that is what shitholes like 4chan or KiwiFarms do, and too many people have died from this.

I can't undo what I have done in the past, but I can reflect on it and be a better person.

I do, as well, present my apologies to the people who were involved in all this.


if you have been wondering where the old Hall of Shame pages went... now you know.

this is another of the things where I was reproducing things I had experienced prior (namely, from Jul). it's the easy way out, for the oppressed to oppress other, weaker people. it's not the way to go about any of this, though.

another bit is that throwing email logs on the internet as-is, with unredacted personal information, is dangerous, especially in today's world. in the old days, some people were able to figure out my old legal name, and where I lived at the time. the latter is why the site carefully removes EXIF metadata from all incoming JPEGs. (for details: here)


I have stopped doing these things. mostly came from throwing myself into real life, eventually going through squats and having more important things to care about.


I don't know if this post means a lot now, given the state of the community, but regardless, here it is. if you have any griefs with me, this thread is here.

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

yup


edit- also, just figured there's quite some karma element to what I've been through

like

I shat on the poor in the old days. then I went through 2 years of living in squats, for several reasons.

I used transphobic attacks against some people. then it turned out I'm trans.

I shat on Jamie for having weird fixations. now I'm a weeb.

life is like that, I guess.

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

nope, sorry

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NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

tbh I don't hate you or anything. I just wish you stopped making new accounts and then asking to be banned all the damn time... all the new accounts make things confusing to keep track of.

other than that, I pretty much agree with your post.

I'm also sorry for the old days where I harassed you in really inacceptable ways. not like I can do much at this point, besides presenting my apologies.

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

driving in general. it's exhausting. my brain also likes to worry about the worst possible scenario, and when that is 'you kill someone'/'you kill yourself'/'you end up paralyzed for life', welp...

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NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

>Just wondering, what made you feel that kind of behavior is acceptable?

I got a lot of the same shit at Jul, back in the late 2000s. to their credit, I had been a huge idiot, and reregistering a billion times and all. but their community was also quite different from what it is today, being absurdly harsh towards anybody not part of their little circle, generally having a culture of looking down on people for being 'dumb' and eventually publicly shaming them for the sake of comedy, rather than trying to be constructive. they hoped that such tactics would drive lamers away by destroying their feelings, but on some people (like me) it just built more anger and determination, as evidenced by all the reregs and eventually the bit where I exploited the forum and stole a bunch of password hashes.

later on, I felt that reproducing that logic on other idiots was kinda like a way to move to the 'other side', if you will. the 'mega moron' reputation did really stick to me for a long while. things like making game editors, posting on board2, or what I described, were ways for me to try and wash it off.

not that reproducing that logic was acceptable by any means. it just goes to show, harm only leads to more harm down the road.

I guess that culminated at RVLution with the way I ran things, having beef with the derpboard people and trying to rile users on my side and all. I had little trust in the rest of the admin team, but I should have stepped down instead of going and planting these backdoors.

the ultimate death of that board was my fault. I'd ran a script that gave every individual user full permissions, and it wasn't long before some lamer found out and abused it. though, from what I heard, the board had been cleaned up and could have been put back online, either live or in archive form, but apparently nobody cared enough to do so. I don't know the extent of the damage that was done subsequently to my little script venture, but I would be willing to help make a clean archive of the board if anybody wants.

(as a side note: the backdoors were long-gone user accounts with modified passwords and stealth-admin permissions, which I had done at some point during the drama. there is no backdoor in the Blargboard code itself.)

some side notes:

the 'riling users on my side' was also something that happened in my immediate family, with whom I lived at the time. for example, when dad had some beef with mom, he would try to rile my sister and me on his side, in a 'look how stupid she's being' way. these things feel normal to you until you move out and realize how fucked it was sometimes.

at the time I also had quite a bit of ego and pride. I still do, less so, but I still do.

that is also something that is partly due to the context I grew up in. for a while, I went to engschool and later university, having no real idea why I was doing that or whether that was really what I wanted, and all that. did not help that mom kept forcing her 'help' upon me and pressuring me about univ matters, despite getting into a shouting match all the damn time.

her arguments were always the same. you're lazy, you only do what you enjoy, you're like that because you're a spoilt kid who's always had it easy.

nowadays these arguments don't get to me as much, because I have read critiques of capitalism, I have found out about having ADHD, all that.

but, back in the old days, capitalist ideology and expectation of being neurotypical (or being a genius, since I was labelled 'gifted child') were my norm. I didn't know about anything else. my pride was the only blockade I had against mom's insidious manipulative antics.

and that still got to me. for example, even today I still feel guilty about relying on things my parents have provided, while it's fine if these things come from my friends or from the streets (or, hell, from the State).

as a fun side note, I was labelled a 'gifted child' because I showed desire to learn to read before 'normal' age. my sister did too, and we both learnt to read before age with our mom, but nobody ever badgered my sister...

however, my parents jizzed themselves at the idea of having a prodigy child. (I was never diagnosed for ADHD or autism, despite clearly showing signs at the time, guess these are less glamorous than the genius-kid). so, there we go. they had me skip the first elementary-school grade, where you learn to read, count and write (basically meaning I landed in the next grade not knowing how to write, and essentially having to speedrun learning that, genius move).

(that also meant I had to go to a different school, because my hometown's school didn't want to have me skip a year immediately)

throughout school, the label meant I had to aim at doing highly intellectual things, or I would be 'squandering my potential'. nevermind that I much prefer manual work. infact it's even more than that: my brain can only work on practical things.

and so I had to do things like take stupid math tests or take the Latin class, for the genius-kid cred. so much for that. I had terrible grades in Latin and the teacher was a shitpile.

the Latin class was an interesting thing in itself. I'd been forced to take that under the pretext I would be in a better class with less bullying and all. half the students there had been forced too, under a similar pretext. the other half were your typical richie bourgie kids.

but, I was berated by dad for doing poorly in that class. like, what? I didn't want to do that. then mom was like 'oh but you didn't say no '. well, I know how to recognize her one-possible-answer questions. give the wrong answer and you're in a world of shit. she will first try to change your mind using her arguments, and when that fails, she will throw a tantrum and pester you until you cave in.

well, I kind of went into some tangent there. where was I going?

-

>It feels like nothing compared to all this. Isn't it draining? It seems like an ultimate waste of time in the end. I've had a lot of share of irritants in my life, but I see so little reason to constantly point and laugh at people like SmithJrBlaquaLuigi. Looking back, trying to one-up him seemed petty and I think I had conversations where I was being civil and okay to him, didn't seem like a BAD person, just a frustrated kid. I don't think it warranted the threads about him here. But maybe I'm missing a few things, but he just seemed harmless in the end.

again, a lot of what I did was wrong. that being said, SmithJrBlaquaLuigi was also quite an idiot (like, going around claiming he was sponsored by Domino's Pizza, when in reality all he was doing was gratuitously advertise them).

what was out of hand was the part where he was part of some lamer circle, with proximity to Skelux (who is a right-wing, possibly alt-right, ego-filled, transphobic dickhole with minions who troll places for him). at some point some of these people started collecting details about me, finding my facebook, all that.

SmithJr then claimed that he, or Skelux, sent me some explosive mail or whatever. I don't know what to think of that claim, but it's no good.

this kind of thing is also why I was defiant towards these kind of circles, like we had in the RVL skype at some point. I perceived that their goal was to run the board by proxy (basically, do things this way or our lamer group will slander you), and that I had to resist that-- any perceived weakness on my part would be interpreted as a green light to take that logic further. it eventually devolved into the part where I began purging them from the board, and RoadrunnerWMC thought backstabbing me would definitely help, and there went the board.

guess it went this way (the demotion, the backdoors, ...) because we had poor trust in eachother, and that says a lot when you're supposed to be an admin team.

-

>Not sure about the likes of Scrydan. Seemed like an irritant too but I have only limited information.

person who had a huge ego, coupled with that weird need to make everything overly complex to flex his galaxy-brain. overall unpleasant.

not that I care, nowadays. I don't know what he's up to or if he's still that much of a dickbag. the drama was around 2015, mind.

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NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

I'd worry more about some idiot doing stupid shit and involving me into a car crash or smth

hell, even if there's no physical harm, you get in a situation of conflict, which, ashdsghddsf. I always worry that these situations degenerate into a physical fight (which means I get my ass beaten to shit. or that at some point I decide that I'm threatened and pull out a weapon and who knows what happens from there on).

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

amusing that.

my least favorite season is Autumn. weather getting colder (cold enough to be annoying) and shitty.

by comparison, Winter is cold but with a chance of snow (although, here, lol). but atleast it's sunnier, somewhat.

Spring is nice, it finally gets warmer and overall nicer. although transition seasons suck because you never know how much to cover yourself.

Summer is nice and sunny and hot. although every damn summer now is a dire reminder of how real global warming is.

heh.

admittedly, one downside of Summer is how short the night is. go to bed at 05:00 and the sun is already rising, which feels weird to me. I would totally trip during the night or whatever if it weren't for that.

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NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

I like the visual style of this hack, although some (like in the 5th screenshot) could look better imo

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NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

Posted by poudink

English and French, with French being my first language.

I considered learning Japanese because there's a lot of cool Japanese-only games and comics that I'd like to try, but the amount of time and effort I'd have to put into learning it is probably not worth it, especially considering how few real life applications for it there would be. Plus I have a decent enough backlog of stuff that isn't locked behind another language.

re: Japanese. same. while the language tingles my reverse-engineering instinct, there would be little use for it, atleast within my current context.

also, hey, another French speaker, phun!

reminds me of something I noticed: when people on these forums contacted me in French, it always felt weird to me, like it had some weird sense of familiarity

probably because I mostly use English to talk to foreign people on the internet, so I associated the two, while I mostly use French to talk to people IRL...

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NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

dunno about California, but

here in southern France, we atleast got nice sunny weather most of the time (except in Autumn)

although: this region gets as much rain as the French average. it's just more condensed. you can imagine what it's like.

compare that to the region my parents live in (and I lived in for a lot of time): they can be happy if they get 3 sunny days in the year. I'm exaggerating but barely.

Summer there is usually a repeating pattern of: a couple actual Summer days, then thunderstorm, then shitty cold cloudy weather for 2-3 weeks.


though, admittedly, we don't get snow here. well, normally. it happened one day in 2018 and it was quite a show in the town, with people using all sorts of things as makeshift sleds, and even that huge snowball battle that happened entirely spontaneously...

hasn't happened again since.

not like my parents' region gets much more snow... well, I remember snow episodes being rad af in my early childhood, but eventually they degraded to be just a thin layer of shitty snow you can't do shit with, or even no snow at all (or once, snow in April -- wtf??). it was only slightly better lately.

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NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

heh. I don't get what's so stereotypically French about my hair, or my face in general. I see all sorts of different faces and hair styles here. also my family name is an Italian name, so much for a pure Frenchie I guess.



thanks tho

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NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

thanks

the text actually says 'le capitalisme tue', which translates to 'capitalism kills'

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd

yes, you read the title right


I am still an avid defender of open and decentralized systems like IRC, but it is true that that has a higher entry barrier in today's standards, when in comparison you can just hop into a Discord server and share things.


sooo


I am in the process of creating a Discord for Kuribo64. I still have to learn how adminning that thing works, so I don't, ie, make everybody an admin. I also need to set up some sort of IRC/Discord bridge, and all these details.


seems there is still some community hanging around this place, and I feel that offering a convenient way for casual discussion and all could be nice to have.


stay tuned!

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NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul
melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is

zafkflzdasd