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04-30-25 12:59 AM |
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| 0 users reading visit parents for Christmas? | 1 bot |
| Main - General Chat - visit parents for Christmas? | Hide post layouts | New reply |
| visit parents for Christmas? | |
| yes | |
| no | |
| visit someone else | |
| fart | |
| Multiple voting is not allowed. Changing your vote is allowed. 11 users have voted so far. | |
| Arisotura |
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 Star Mario in this room you have a pile of apple pies Level: 166 
Posts: 8224/9076 EXP: 59176873 Next: 1010813 Since: 07-03-12 From: in a box 
Last post: 13 days ago Last view: 1 hour ago |
I'm wondering about this
basically: 2016 back when we still played the game of family cohesion. honestly, all in all, we had good times together, even though their constant self-inflicted dramatic-TV-news brainwashing gets on my nerves after a while. 2017 was when everything shat itself. planning was done at last minute and ended up being inconvenient for them but they didn't communicate about it. dad talked to me only to berate me about it, in a tone that was a bit "you're being a burden". as he always does that kind of shit (only contacts me to berate me about something, then complains about how I never talk to him), I lashed out at him, cancelled the trip at last minute, and you guess how things went. there's also the bit where I'm trans and that's not what mom wanted. I found out about that about one year ago, came out mid-October 2017. you guess how it went. the trans bit wasn't relevant to that argument, but of course, mom had to drag it in. she refused to acknowledge the fact that you don't choose to be trans. 2018 parents still being shito, even after an attempted gesture from me. mostly no contact. mom still playing the innocent victim all the goddamn time. either attempting manipulation or being genuinely paranoid. or both. she assured me they wouldn't be judging me or going "this doesn't fit you, you're better as a boy" if I were to visit them. but... meh. have to keep in mind that these 'family' members lost their minds at the slightest sign of gender variance. especially 'sister'. should say a lot that the most supportive person was dad, and he's unable to show actual support or understanding or empathy. anyway uncle/aunt/cousins are cool. (guess not being completely consumed by capitalism helps) so, might visit them? either if they show up at parents' house. or somehow going to their house, but it's in some remote shitland so not sure I can get there without a car. might visit grandma? I came out to her and she didn't throw a fit, but she was mostly like "you have to hide it so we can pretend to be a united family", which... no. stay with comrades? 2017 was cool with them RARGL so, what do I do there ____________________ NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is zafkflzdasd |
| Thierry |
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Normal user Level: 50 
Posts: 393/583 EXP: 937458 Next: 9859 Since: 03-08-13 Last post: 33 days ago Last view: 28 days ago |
Posted by StapleButter well, if your parents say they won't drop such comments then I advise you consider going at least one last time. that way you won't be guilt-trip backstabbed for not going; and you will know if it's ever worth going to anymore. however, you're gonna have a shitty time if cousins/etc can't make it, so you may want to make sure they will be there. don't feel bad for imposing, just ask and explain to them that thier presence really helps. |
| natnew |
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 Bullet Bill Normal user Level: 47 
Posts: 470/500 EXP: 752180 Next: 14023 Since: 12-07-12 Last post: 2277 days ago Last view: 2179 days ago |
Posted by Thierry Yeah I agree. Might as well, since all cards are on the table. Then again I've never been in a situation like that so... idk. ____________________ |
| LeftyGreenMario |
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![[image]](http://www.mariowiki.com/images/a/af/Mario_Mugshot_%2798.gif) Don't like politics? Too bad, it's-a Mario time. Level: 83 
Posts: 1653/2062 EXP: 5405924 Next: 26297 Since: 03-14-16 From: Stabbing Wario Last post: 787 days ago Last view: 786 days ago |
Why do or should you think they're entitled to a Christmas with you? That's my question. If you want to plan with other more deserving family members, do that in secret.
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| Baby Luigi |
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Baby Luigi Level: 54 
Posts: 728/749 EXP: 1183640 Next: 50230 Since: 03-13-16 From: Lost in Time Last post: 2096 days ago Last view: 2090 days ago |
As far as I'm concerned, your mom doesn't deserve you.
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| Arisotura |
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Star Mario in this room you have a pile of apple pies Level: 166
Posts: 8241/9076 EXP: 59176873 Next: 1010813 Since: 07-03-12 From: in a box
Last post: 13 days ago Last view: 1 hour ago |
I guess I won't be going or saying anything until they make the first move.
Posted by Baby Luigi words of wisdom there. ____________________ NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is zafkflzdasd |
| Imnotstaple |
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Member nothing to see here Level: 30 
Posts: 190/194 EXP: 160075 Next: 5794 Since: 09-20-15 From: N/A Last post: 1628 days ago Last view: 42 days ago |
Ha.
Staple, I'm sure there are lost IRC chats between you and me discussing the toxicity that lies within our parents. I know how you feel whenever your parents are supposed to be "supportive" and all that other good stuff, but in the reality of it all they only want to push there egocentric motives. I have constant depression and of course they always accuse me of "attention seeking," and they never help me. They are only concerned about themselves, and apparently me being "attention seeking" makes it look bad on them. So get this. They are angry and upset not over the fact that I'm extremely depressed and somewhat suicidal, but because it makes them look "bad." You know, it makes them look like fools because I'm depressed. To help the situation, my dad threatened to kick my ass. I'm not going to dive deeper into my life because I don't want to stir up "unnecessary things," or lack for a better term. My solution is that I plan to move in with one of my good friends that has been there for me thick and thin. Only then will my life start to show signs of shimmer. Anywho, of course it's always cool to visit your parents every now and then. That's just the normal thing to do, lol. It'll be okay, Staple. Knowing you as nothing more than just a user, I get a good vibe from you. You seem honest as is and friendly in general. I'll always be here if you ever need advice for anything at all. Cheers, mate. 
____________________ sign |
| Baby Luigi |
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Baby Luigi Level: 54
Posts: 731/749 EXP: 1183640 Next: 50230 Since: 03-13-16 From: Lost in Time Last post: 2096 days ago Last view: 2090 days ago |
Technically, your display of depression is attention-seeking, but it's in a genuine "I really need help" sort of way, similar to why some of us resort to self-harm, unlike what your parents think that you're just acting or whatever. And yeah, those types of parents who think that their children is their property and extensions of themselves and think only of the consequences that would happen to them (eg they think that if a kid commits suicide they're concerned only about being a bad parent rather than the fact that a child bloody committed suicide because of how he felt).
There's nothing more I can't stand than people who have this mentality. That and the "sink or swim" type parents, parents who would toss their kids into dangerous waters and blame the kid for not being competent enough for not eventually drowning. To be honest, once I become indepedent, I don't even know if I should visit my dad again. He has nice days yeah but he has done so much emotional harm to me that I'll never forget. |
| Arisotura |
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Star Mario in this room you have a pile of apple pies Level: 166
Posts: 8245/9076 EXP: 59176873 Next: 1010813 Since: 07-03-12 From: in a box
Last post: 13 days ago Last view: 1 hour ago |
| LeftyGreenMario |
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Don't like politics? Too bad, it's-a Mario time. Level: 83 
Posts: 1667/2062 EXP: 5405924 Next: 26297 Since: 03-14-16 From: Stabbing Wario Last post: 787 days ago Last view: 786 days ago |
Posted by Imnotstaple Disagree. It might work for a "normal", healthy relationship, but this isn't a "normal" relationship. And also, Arisotura, don't feel like you owe abusive parents anything. You visit them, you don't, unless they seek a therapist and wish to change themselves (which I doubt is the case for a lot of these parents because they can't swallow their pride), it's not going to affect how they treat you. If your mom genuinely wants you back, shucks. I mean, don't be an asshole to them. Don't think of it as revenge; treat it as a means of protecting yourself. If it's to her detriment, maybe she should've done a frank and honest self-reflection why you don't want to be with her, which is hard because people like her don't fault themselves out of unaddressed insecurities. I've read about people who visit their parents again out of guilt/regret for not doing their parents a favor, but they regret that action as their parents give them a bad time for whatever reason. |
| Arisotura |
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Star Mario in this room you have a pile of apple pies Level: 166
Posts: 8246/9076 EXP: 59176873 Next: 1010813 Since: 07-03-12 From: in a box
Last post: 13 days ago Last view: 1 hour ago |
well, as I said, I'm waiting for them to make the first move in this
and for now, I'm getting zero news from them, even after I apologized to mom for throwing insults at her (which I feel was a mistake, but well, I tried) ____________________ NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is zafkflzdasd |
| HEYimHeroic |
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 Lantern Ghost i'm alice Level: 53 
Posts: 380/770 EXP: 1135856 Next: 21263 Since: 08-04-17 Last post: 454 days ago Last view: 160 days ago |
everyone seems to be in the right mindset here. i entirely agree that children from abusive parents don't "owe" their parents anything. i think it's perfectly fine and sometimes i encourage it when children suddenly leave and break off all contact with their parent(s).
i don't know how dire and extreme the situation with you is, staple, but honestly, if they really didn't care that much, show that you don't care back. the more attention you feed to abusers the more they will abuse. ____________________ yeah |
| Jamie |
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Member banned by request Level: 48 
Posts: 526/531 EXP: 778381 Next: 45162 Since: 04-01-14 Last post: 2386 days ago Last view: 2386 days ago |
Nothing to do with the thread but I'm going to suggest that we add post ratings here because that post Heroic made is really well written and I can't say much more
Also, you shouldn't visit them it they are arent willingnto accept you |
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