Views: 22,935,326 |
Home
| Forums
| Uploader
| Wiki
| Object databases
| IRC
Rules/FAQ | Memberlist | Calendar | Stats | Online users | Last posts | Search |
10-14-24 11:23 AM |
Guest: |
0 users reading a long-due retrospective. | 1 bot |
Main - General Chat - a long-due retrospective. | Hide post layouts | New reply |
Arisotura |
| ||
Star Mario in this room you have a pile of apple pies Level: 164 Posts: 8905/9039 EXP: 57561633 Next: 140757 Since: 07-03-12 From: in a box Last post: 13 days ago Last view: 1 day ago |
yeah well.
the board is going to be 9 years old. that's rad. well, it's a shell of its former self at this point. but, yea. I don't know where to begin so I'm going to go straight to the thing I want to talk about. recent events prompted me to post this. throughout the years I have done many things that were outright shitty. authoritarian management when some issues could have been handled in better ways (like in the SMG2.5 days). trolling the shit out of RVLution. harassing people I perceived as idiots and had conflicts with, shaming them in public, throwing shit at their derpboards. sometimes resorting to really low-grade attacks (like when I used transphobic attacks against certain people -- now it turns out I'm also trans, go figure). a lot of this is not okay. the internet is not a game, online harassment etc can have very real consequences. that is what shitholes like 4chan or KiwiFarms do, and too many people have died from this. I can't undo what I have done in the past, but I can reflect on it and be a better person. I do, as well, present my apologies to the people who were involved in all this. if you have been wondering where the old Hall of Shame pages went... now you know. this is another of the things where I was reproducing things I had experienced prior (namely, from Jul). it's the easy way out, for the oppressed to oppress other, weaker people. it's not the way to go about any of this, though. another bit is that throwing email logs on the internet as-is, with unredacted personal information, is dangerous, especially in today's world. in the old days, some people were able to figure out my old legal name, and where I lived at the time. the latter is why the site carefully removes EXIF metadata from all incoming JPEGs. (for details: here) I have stopped doing these things. mostly came from throwing myself into real life, eventually going through squats and having more important things to care about. I don't know if this post means a lot now, given the state of the community, but regardless, here it is. if you have any griefs with me, this thread is here. ____________________ NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is zafkflzdasd |
Chaîne de bois |
| ||
Red Goomba Normal user Level: 14 Posts: 19/48 EXP: 11807 Next: 1264 Since: 05-02-21 Last post: 168 days ago Last view: 168 days ago |
Friend, one must be aware of that, it is a danger to deceive people online and reviewing without rules. once the same thing happened to me 7 years ago and it was terrible because I ignored unsecured pages, and learned the lesson. ____________________ --LOST-- |
salty |
| ||
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Level: 85 Posts: 2033/2045 EXP: 5760034 Next: 138506 Since: 03-02-14 From: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Last post: 52 days ago Last view: 2 days ago |
This board is going to be 9 years old huh? That's insane, and I've spent a lot of it being a dumbass but man it was fun. As inactive as it was, I'm glad it was here and I had lots of fun around here.
..but I have a feeling this isn't what this is about. I think there's something else. When you were talking about harassment on the internet, and mentioned KiwiFarms, it reminded me of this situation: https://twitter.com/marcan42/status/1409176583433179137 Basically in summary, KiwiFarms targeted the developer of bsnes, Near, to the point where he committed suicide because of it. This was an absolutely horrible situation and I stand by my opinion that KiwiFarms should be taken down because of it since it was basically murder. Anyway I'm getting offtopic, but I'm glad you did rethink your whole stance on everything and that you've been looking on what might be considered online harassment and deleting anything that may have potential to harm anybody on the internet. The fact that you did that shows you regret what you did and you were willing to make things right. From what I've seen, you didn't make anybody that hurt in real life, so that's good, because we know how online harassment can be devastating and be the basis for a suicide (see the KiwiFarms situation above). Some of us don't mature at all and turn into horrible people. You weren't one of those people. You understand what you did was bad and tried to make things right even if the situation was way back then. And for that, I'm glad you did. ____________________ discord: taikonotatsujin photobucke­t |
poudink |
| ||
Bob-Omb [sic] Level: 49 Posts: 600/616 EXP: 857882 Next: 26001 Since: 03-01-16 From: Québec (Canada) Last post: 1069 days ago Last view: 1003 days ago |
I'm fairly certain that situation with Near is what prompted this thread. ____________________ Nothing to say, so jadnjkfmnjamnfjkldnajfnjkanfjdksan jsdnvj m. |
Arisotura |
| ||
Star Mario in this room you have a pile of apple pies Level: 164 Posts: 8906/9039 EXP: 57561633 Next: 140757 Since: 07-03-12 From: in a box Last post: 13 days ago Last view: 1 day ago |
yup
edit- also, just figured there's quite some karma element to what I've been through like I shat on the poor in the old days. then I went through 2 years of living in squats, for several reasons. I used transphobic attacks against some people. then it turned out I'm trans. I shat on Jamie for having weird fixations. now I'm a weeb. life is like that, I guess. ____________________ NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is zafkflzdasd |
Compa |
| ||
Member Banned Level: 8 Posts: 1/13 EXP: 1624 Next: 563 Since: 07-01-21 From: Planeptune Last post: 1187 days ago Last view: 1162 days ago |
Jesus fucking Christ. I don't even have words to describe how I feel about Near's suicide right now other than... I don't even know. I'm just shaking here thinking, it could have happened to any one of you, us, and... the impact Near/byuu had on emulation, everything, his legacy will ABSOLUTELY NEVER BE FORGOTTEN. No matter what anyone had against him, it should never have fucking come to this point where he was being harassed to the point of him killing himself... and the fact KiwiFarms hosts itself on 'haha fuck you abuse report' hosts just make it worse when it comes to situations where innocent fucking people get affected with things they don't actually do. sure there's people making 'fools' of themselves but IT MATTERS WHAT, WHEN IT DOESN'T EVEN HURT ANYONE? same goes for twitter mobs/cancel culture on the opposite end of the political spectrum i guess...
I know it sounds extremely rich coming from me considering my history of self destructive behaviour and doing fucked up shit, but I couldn't help but respond to this even if it meant making a rereg, and I don't even lurk this board or any of the others anymore too often... maybe I should myself take a lesson from all the garbage I caused around fetishising people, backstabbing/lying and stalking and shit, idk. but this isnt about me, it's about everyone's safety and ability to just exist without the feel that someone is going to get harmed just for being anywhere close to you or that you can't even be yourself around YOURSELF - and the fact is that NOBODY should be driven to this state because others forced you into it by warping your sense of 'being forced to conform to a social norm' to the point of so much pressure you're basically giving up, it shouldn't happen but it just does, because that's people for you being fucking people this is so incoherent and messy but i am not fixing it, i feel emotional over this rn and genuinely angry/sad... i can't believe i didnt hear of this earlier, but my condolences to near and all their associates who worked with them and also to anyone who has supported the bsnes/higan projects over the years, i personally never used them but appreciate so much what they done for the emu scene, taking us from hackjob closed source messes to opensource, clean formatted, consistent code so THANK YOU <3 your philosophy will live on forever... from your long hated ex-member ~Jamie ____________________ "I didn't get in the medical industry just by being cute, you know!" |
Arisotura |
| ||
Star Mario in this room you have a pile of apple pies Level: 164 Posts: 8908/9039 EXP: 57561633 Next: 140757 Since: 07-03-12 From: in a box Last post: 13 days ago Last view: 1 day ago |
tbh I don't hate you or anything. I just wish you stopped making new accounts and then asking to be banned all the damn time... all the new accounts make things confusing to keep track of.
other than that, I pretty much agree with your post. I'm also sorry for the old days where I harassed you in really inacceptable ways. not like I can do much at this point, besides presenting my apologies. ____________________ NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is zafkflzdasd |
Compa |
|
YoshiBoy |
| ||
Newcomer Normal user Level: 4 Posts: 1/3 EXP: 192 Next: 87 Since: 01-15-21 From: mario's spaghetti in peach's castle Last post: 1074 days ago Last view: 1056 days ago |
rip near.
may they continue inspiring emudevs and players from the sky. ____________________ hi, i'm yoshi boy, i post dumb shit. |
LeftyGreenMario |
| ||
Don't like politics? Too bad, it's-a Mario time. Level: 83 Posts: 1998/2062 EXP: 5243271 Next: 188950 Since: 03-14-16 From: Stabbing Wario Last post: 589 days ago Last view: 588 days ago |
I'm honestly not sure if I really targeted anyone with harassment here but there's A LOT of stuff that has happened that I didn't realize under my nose. I don't understanding spending this amount of energy just holding grudges over people like this.
Just wondering, what made you feel that kind of behavior is acceptable? A lot of people younger sometimes browsed edgy 4chan sites and were these dumbasses that liked saying offensive things for kicks and maybe spread vicious rumors about others. It's surprising for me to see so much people having that kind of phase. They did eventually grow out of it. I had my share of some drama particularly years ago in MarioWiki where I was a subject of being talked behind because I had maybe an attitude or I was kinda quirky and was a teenager. Some people I also didn't like. I'm not sure, my memory's hazy but I got so upset over that and my feelings were so hurt and I don't think I can wish away all that pain. I do think it's forgiven these days but I did lash out, but didn't engage in outright harassment. There were other users that did so much worse than I did but I did feel unpopular and disliked. I just felt a lot of pain at the time and reevaluating that, I was still liked by a some that emphasized with my pain and understood people were being mean to me. Gossip isn't nice. I spent a year out the community. It feels like nothing compared to all this. Isn't it draining? It seems like an ultimate waste of time in the end. I've had a lot of share of irritants in my life, but I see so little reason to constantly point and laugh at people like SmithJrBlaquaLuigi. Looking back, trying to one-up him seemed petty and I think I had conversations where I was being civil and okay to him, didn't seem like a BAD person, just a frustrated kid. I don't think it warranted the threads about him here. But maybe I'm missing a few things, but he just seemed harmless in the end. Not sure about the likes of Scrydan. Seemed like an irritant too but I have only limited information. Worst people I meet in the Internet just doesn't seem like most these guys though. The worst guy I had to deal with is mikemikev/Michael Coombs though, he's a genuine piece of shit and has little sense of self-preservation. Seriously, if he just disappeared off the Internet, I wouldn't mind. He's genuinely dangerous. Even that fetid wastebarrel KiwiFarms finds him abhorrent. My username, LeftyGreenMario, IS mentioned in KiwiFarms, but on another thread. So, fun thought. Anyway, I feel that post is good and it's a good self-reflection coming of age sort of thing. Seems like you're growing up and at least learning how to be, well, a responsible, mature, respectful adult. It was too bad you disparaged poor people (I mean blame capitalism for their situation) Ehhh comparing Twitter mobs and cancel culture to Kiwi Farms is not sensible. "Cancel culture" is toothless and a boogeyman employed by disingenuous right wing figures. People on Twitter can be assholes and say mean things but they usually don't harass to the extent Kiwi Farms does, and "cancel culture" as the right wingers describe it usually doesn't target the most vulnerable people nor does it actually "cancel" the people it targets. |
Arisotura |
| ||
Star Mario in this room you have a pile of apple pies Level: 164 Posts: 8910/9039 EXP: 57561633 Next: 140757 Since: 07-03-12 From: in a box Last post: 13 days ago Last view: 1 day ago |
>Just wondering, what made you feel that kind of behavior is acceptable?
I got a lot of the same shit at Jul, back in the late 2000s. to their credit, I had been a huge idiot, and reregistering a billion times and all. but their community was also quite different from what it is today, being absurdly harsh towards anybody not part of their little circle, generally having a culture of looking down on people for being 'dumb' and eventually publicly shaming them for the sake of comedy, rather than trying to be constructive. they hoped that such tactics would drive lamers away by destroying their feelings, but on some people (like me) it just built more anger and determination, as evidenced by all the reregs and eventually the bit where I exploited the forum and stole a bunch of password hashes. later on, I felt that reproducing that logic on other idiots was kinda like a way to move to the 'other side', if you will. the 'mega moron' reputation did really stick to me for a long while. things like making game editors, posting on board2, or what I described, were ways for me to try and wash it off. not that reproducing that logic was acceptable by any means. it just goes to show, harm only leads to more harm down the road. I guess that culminated at RVLution with the way I ran things, having beef with the derpboard people and trying to rile users on my side and all. I had little trust in the rest of the admin team, but I should have stepped down instead of going and planting these backdoors. the ultimate death of that board was my fault. I'd ran a script that gave every individual user full permissions, and it wasn't long before some lamer found out and abused it. though, from what I heard, the board had been cleaned up and could have been put back online, either live or in archive form, but apparently nobody cared enough to do so. I don't know the extent of the damage that was done subsequently to my little script venture, but I would be willing to help make a clean archive of the board if anybody wants. (as a side note: the backdoors were long-gone user accounts with modified passwords and stealth-admin permissions, which I had done at some point during the drama. there is no backdoor in the Blargboard code itself.) some side notes: the 'riling users on my side' was also something that happened in my immediate family, with whom I lived at the time. for example, when dad had some beef with mom, he would try to rile my sister and me on his side, in a 'look how stupid she's being' way. these things feel normal to you until you move out and realize how fucked it was sometimes. at the time I also had quite a bit of ego and pride. I still do, less so, but I still do. that is also something that is partly due to the context I grew up in. for a while, I went to engschool and later university, having no real idea why I was doing that or whether that was really what I wanted, and all that. did not help that mom kept forcing her 'help' upon me and pressuring me about univ matters, despite getting into a shouting match all the damn time. her arguments were always the same. you're lazy, you only do what you enjoy, you're like that because you're a spoilt kid who's always had it easy. nowadays these arguments don't get to me as much, because I have read critiques of capitalism, I have found out about having ADHD, all that. but, back in the old days, capitalist ideology and expectation of being neurotypical (or being a genius, since I was labelled 'gifted child') were my norm. I didn't know about anything else. my pride was the only blockade I had against mom's insidious manipulative antics. and that still got to me. for example, even today I still feel guilty about relying on things my parents have provided, while it's fine if these things come from my friends or from the streets (or, hell, from the State). as a fun side note, I was labelled a 'gifted child' because I showed desire to learn to read before 'normal' age. my sister did too, and we both learnt to read before age with our mom, but nobody ever badgered my sister... however, my parents jizzed themselves at the idea of having a prodigy child. (I was never diagnosed for ADHD or autism, despite clearly showing signs at the time, guess these are less glamorous than the genius-kid). so, there we go. they had me skip the first elementary-school grade, where you learn to read, count and write (basically meaning I landed in the next grade not knowing how to write, and essentially having to speedrun learning that, genius move). (that also meant I had to go to a different school, because my hometown's school didn't want to have me skip a year immediately) throughout school, the label meant I had to aim at doing highly intellectual things, or I would be 'squandering my potential'. nevermind that I much prefer manual work. infact it's even more than that: my brain can only work on practical things. and so I had to do things like take stupid math tests or take the Latin class, for the genius-kid cred. so much for that. I had terrible grades in Latin and the teacher was a shitpile. the Latin class was an interesting thing in itself. I'd been forced to take that under the pretext I would be in a better class with less bullying and all. half the students there had been forced too, under a similar pretext. the other half were your typical richie bourgie kids. but, I was berated by dad for doing poorly in that class. like, what? I didn't want to do that. then mom was like 'oh but you didn't say no '. well, I know how to recognize her one-possible-answer questions. give the wrong answer and you're in a world of shit. she will first try to change your mind using her arguments, and when that fails, she will throw a tantrum and pester you until you cave in. well, I kind of went into some tangent there. where was I going? - >It feels like nothing compared to all this. Isn't it draining? It seems like an ultimate waste of time in the end. I've had a lot of share of irritants in my life, but I see so little reason to constantly point and laugh at people like SmithJrBlaquaLuigi. Looking back, trying to one-up him seemed petty and I think I had conversations where I was being civil and okay to him, didn't seem like a BAD person, just a frustrated kid. I don't think it warranted the threads about him here. But maybe I'm missing a few things, but he just seemed harmless in the end. again, a lot of what I did was wrong. that being said, SmithJrBlaquaLuigi was also quite an idiot (like, going around claiming he was sponsored by Domino's Pizza, when in reality all he was doing was gratuitously advertise them). what was out of hand was the part where he was part of some lamer circle, with proximity to Skelux (who is a right-wing, possibly alt-right, ego-filled, transphobic dickhole with minions who troll places for him). at some point some of these people started collecting details about me, finding my facebook, all that. SmithJr then claimed that he, or Skelux, sent me some explosive mail or whatever. I don't know what to think of that claim, but it's no good. this kind of thing is also why I was defiant towards these kind of circles, like we had in the RVL skype at some point. I perceived that their goal was to run the board by proxy (basically, do things this way or our lamer group will slander you), and that I had to resist that-- any perceived weakness on my part would be interpreted as a green light to take that logic further. it eventually devolved into the part where I began purging them from the board, and RoadrunnerWMC thought backstabbing me would definitely help, and there went the board. guess it went this way (the demotion, the backdoors, ...) because we had poor trust in eachother, and that says a lot when you're supposed to be an admin team. - >Not sure about the likes of Scrydan. Seemed like an irritant too but I have only limited information. person who had a huge ego, coupled with that weird need to make everything overly complex to flex his galaxy-brain. overall unpleasant. not that I care, nowadays. I don't know what he's up to or if he's still that much of a dickbag. the drama was around 2015, mind. ____________________ NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is zafkflzdasd |
Chaîne de bois |
| ||
Red Goomba Normal user Level: 14 Posts: 21/48 EXP: 11807 Next: 1264 Since: 05-02-21 Last post: 168 days ago Last view: 168 days ago |
hopefully we are ready, here the site has so much history and it is amazing ____________________ --LOST-- |
HEYimHeroic |
| ||
Lantern Ghost i'm alice Level: 53 Posts: 745/770 EXP: 1095433 Next: 61686 Since: 08-04-17 Last post: 256 days ago Last view: 32 days ago |
bit late to the retrospective party, was moving. but i'm happy to see you're moving past these things. i related to a lot of what you said, especially about the whole "gifted child" stuff (i think i even also skipped first grade... or maybe kindergarten? idk)
i hate thinking about the person i used to be. i was so fucked up by pretentious internet cool points that i was just a massive asshole. used to be transphobic too, but i don't remember if i still was by the time i joined this site. anyways, i'm still learning, growing, changing. hell, if i saw myself from one year ago, i'd probably punch them. i'm glad i didn't have any sort of audience on social media at the time, since that greatly reduces how many people could've been affected by it, but as someone else pointed out, this sort of stuff always has someone on the other side of it. seriously, my early posts on this board even up to a few years in, they aren't... good. as in, i don't think the person writing them was a good person. and hell, it's likely a year from now, i'll think the person writing this post was not a good person, either. but the main thing that matters is i'm a better person than the one from a year ago. and i think that's the most important thing, that i'm always trying to become a better person today than i was yesterday. i might not be able to take back things i've said and done to others. they're people, real people, with lives and feelings. i'm certain there's stuff i won't be forgiven for, too. but i won't be making that same mistake twice. ____________________ yeah |
CodingKoopa |
| ||
Lakitu she/her Level: 48 Posts: 557/560 EXP: 801009 Next: 22534 Since: 10-13-14 Last post: 1179 days ago Last view: 408 days ago |
A couple years ago, I made a return to K64 to make a charged post about drama I had been upset by. I would like to reflect upon that, this thread, and recent events.
I would like to address my thoughts on the scope of the board - then, I complained about the increased politicization of some parts of it. I joined K64 when I was young, 12-years-old-young. In some ways I probably did mature during my active years, but my most significant growth has occurred after the fact. To put it into perspective, it seems that I stopped being active right before I started high school. The later post was made less than halfway through my high school experience. Since then, I've gained a profound appreciation for history, civil rights, and political issues. I'm more engaged now in politics than ever before, and encourage others to do the same. Although I respect the viewpoint expressed in my point - that of declining to take interest in politics - I do discourage it, because politics are essential. I firmly believe it's important to be educated on these issues, regardless of whether you are part of a minority group that is more likely to be impacted by them. Now, about PaperplateismGuy's ban. To someone with an apolitical background, which is the perspective from which the post was written, it is easy to write off harsh disagreements with the mentality that everyone is entitled to their own opinion (see: "it's a free country"). This attitude deeply frustrates me when used to defend or dismiss really bad ideas, and I was surprised to see it coming from myself here. There's a separate discussion to be had about the nature of these types of bans, one which is taking place in this thread, but I must apologize for my lack of sensitivity then. I said myself, "I honestly don't really know or care about what the specifics of this debate are," which in itself characterizes why I'm disappointed with this post. My words on Gimzie rival this, wherein I remark "I won't go too deep into this interaction, but it came off as really rude for me personally." Once more, there's a lack of willing to understand the nuance of the issue. To revisit a quote from the OP in this thread: Posted by ArisoturaAs the ineluctable transphobe-to-trans pipeline goes, I have also had some changes since then. I was explicit in my support for trans rights in my post, but I made little to no effort to empathize with your struggles as a trans person. Instead, I prioritized defending Gimzie, and attemptted to view the situation regardless of your status as a member of the LGBT community - e.g. not refusing to fault trans people just because of them being trans. With that, and with the realization I've had in the past years, I offer you my belated empathy, and my sincere apology for not understanding then. Now, I would like to elaborate on my thoughts on admiration. I have not said anything regretful on this topic, but I feel the need to weigh in, because of recent events. There are a lot of people that I look up to, whose work I have admired over the years. Near comes to mind first, for obvious reasons. Regrettably, I took an interest in their work after they had to start upholding a strict standard of not oversharing on social media. Nevertheless, their dedication to clean, good C++ emulation code is incredible to me. The members of Citra team were the first people I had the opportunity to work side by side with, and had the respect of a team member, which I'll never forget feeling for the first time. The Wii sceners, especially marcan, delroth, MrBean35000VR and Chadderz, I have not spoken to, but my admiration for them runs equally deep. Arisotura was the first person of this kind for me, that introduced me to wanting to know how to write emulators and editors. I don't mean for this to be a sappy post, but, despite what I said in my post, this distinct feeling of respect for her is something that I have carried through the years. I can keep naming people and teams that I look up to, but my point is that they've all had a big impact on me. In closing, as I reminisce on the losses we have endured, I would like to accent the value of human life. To Arisotura, in particular, I wish to emphasize the positive impact of your presence here, in spite of the transgressions you pointed out in the OP. ____________________ Website | Twitter |
Arisotura |
| ||
Star Mario in this room you have a pile of apple pies Level: 164 Posts: 8921/9039 EXP: 57561633 Next: 140757 Since: 07-03-12 From: in a box Last post: 13 days ago Last view: 1 day ago |
thinking back on the whole political thing: I will admit that, in late 2016 and early 2017 (basically when I discovered politics and turned anticapitalist), I was unsufferable. I had that desire to make everybody realize how bad capitalism is, and all that.
I still strongly believe that capitalism needs to die, but over the years I have learnt that things aren't that simple for everybody (being part of an oppressed minority, or having to survive precarity, or depression, are things that can hinder your desire to get involved), and that being that kind of annoying prick doesn't serve any cause. so, one hand, it's true that I may have gone overboard with the political element in these days. although it was mostly contained to specific threads and not leaking all over the board, and people complaining that something is 'too political' is generally code for 'I don't like the political orientation' (see also: bigots screeching about LGBTI+ characters in games and such). on the other hand, I want this place to be a safe space for my fellows. when it comes down to minorities being discriminated against and harassed, there is no neutral position -- allowing bigots around will, at best, force the targeted minorities into hiding and staying silent, at worst, drive them out, effectively creating a safe space for bigots. this is where we have to be wary of far-Right language -- they try to claim that they are defending a reasonable 'neutrality', as opposed to the 'evil', overly radical minorities who want to force their agenda upon everybody, or something. it's important to keep in mind that the 'neutrality' they are defending is not neutral, and is an oppressive statu quo. for example: they screech against any sort of LGBTI+ representation aimed at children, but the statu quo is an overwhelmingly cishet world, to the point that being cishet is considered the norm. for example, try taking a stroll around your place and counting how many gay couples are visible vs how many straight couples are. this kind of shit is devastating because it is insidious and can feel appealing to uneducated, privileged crowds who like moderate 'reasonable' ideas. - aside from the political tangent: I appreciate your apologies there. admittedly, I was likely a tad harsh in the way I handled PaperplateismGuy's posts. Gimzie, on the other hand, pretty much deserved his ban. that fun thing happened a while back, where TMolter/Toms came out as a transphobe, and Gimzie followed suit. (also, don't you love when a kid living with his parents tries to give you life lessons by shitting on the poor? heh.) - the last part of your post reminds me, these people in the haxing/homebrew/emu scene, I also have respect for them, but also, some intimidation. prolly dating back from the days where I was some random noob who couldn't even speak English properly. even though I got better at all these things, those people are still much more skilled than me and my sloppy pile of self-taught skill. a lot of the admiration and intimidation has stayed with me. I'm also quite an introvert in general. for example, I wasn't particularly close to Near, but the times I talked with them, I can tell they were definitely not the kind of person certain people painted them as, and they were quite a cool person. now they have fallen to the subhuman trash from KiwiFarms & co. I regret not having talked more with them. so yeah I should prolly talk more with these other fine people... I always worry, though, that they're gonna reject me, that I'm wasting their time, that the conversation should be super meaningful to be worth having, all these things... regardless I appreciate your post, entirely. (heh I don't really know what to say, this is awkward ) I guess I can be glad I've had a positive impact on the life of some people, despite all the shit I've pulled. so, thanks! considering I sometimes struggle with depression and all... that means a lot to me. this place and the romhaxing/emu community also mean a lot to me. not just because I picked up these interests around 2007... during middle school I spent most of my days sitting through classes and getting ass-bored, and the remaining time trying to avoid getting bullied. high school was the same, without the bullying bit, but I still had little to no affinity with the people there, I was just... different. when I came back home, my sister was either watching her garbage teenage-girl shows, or talking to her friends on Facebook, both activities that she clearly separated from the family circle. to her, I was kind of the last-resort person, who you talk to when your cool friends are AFK. shitty family dynamics didn't help, but even to this day we aren't particularly close. my parents, well. dad was always so busy and I didn't want to disturb. mom's idea of small talk basically meant giving me a full questionnaire about my day (like I wanted to talk about that) when she wasn't actively putting her nose into my business and generally being an annoyance. the internet communities were the one place where I could exchange with friendly people, without feeling like a weird nerd (I always felt like what I was doing was way too advanced for my age and that I had to hide it from my peers to avoid getting the genius-kid label). so, this means a lot to me. hell, some of these people I talked with 10 years ago, I still talk to them. one of them came out as a trans girl in 2017 and that's what made me realize I'm also trans, too. my parents said that whatever I was doing was no more than some pointless hobby. that's quite some understatement of how much these communities have shaped me. I had fun haxing things, but, more importantly, I learnt programming skills, I figured out a bunch of things about myself, I shared all this with the community and met really cool people. I'm also fluent in English now. yet, it was somehow a bad thing that I spent so much time on the computer? bahahah. my life is completely different now -- I have been living on my own in Montpellier for 5 years, I have met really cool people in the squats and such, these people have supported me throughout my transition and depression and I can call them actual friends... despite how shitty it has been at times, these years have been the best in my entire life and I have zero regret. and yet, I am still attached to these online communities. to say, this is far more than a little hobby -- this is how much these communities mean to me. ____________________ NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul melonDS the most fruity DS emulator there is zafkflzdasd |
Main - General Chat - a long-due retrospective. | Hide post layouts | New reply |
Page rendered in 0.161 seconds. (2048KB of memory used) MySQL - queries: 30, rows: 226/226, time: 0.014 seconds. Acmlmboard 2.064 (2018-07-20) © 2005-2008 Acmlm, Xkeeper, blackhole89 et al. |