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11-12-18 11:29 PM
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Main - General Chat - visit parents for Christmas? New reply


visit parents for Christmas?
yes
36.4% (4)
no
9.1% (1)
visit someone else
27.3% (3)
fart
27.3% (3)
Multiple voting is not allowed. Changing your vote is allowed. 11 users have voted so far.

StapleButter
Posted on 09-14-18 02:48 PM Link | #95926
I'm wondering about this


basically:


2016

back when we still played the game of family cohesion. honestly, all in all, we had good times together, even though their constant self-inflicted dramatic-TV-news brainwashing gets on my nerves after a while.


2017

was when everything shat itself. planning was done at last minute and ended up being inconvenient for them but they didn't communicate about it. dad talked to me only to berate me about it, in a tone that was a bit "you're being a burden". as he always does that kind of shit (only contacts me to berate me about something, then complains about how I never talk to him), I lashed out at him, cancelled the trip at last minute, and you guess how things went.

there's also the bit where I'm trans and that's not what mom wanted. I found out about that about one year ago, came out mid-October 2017. you guess how it went.

the trans bit wasn't relevant to that argument, but of course, mom had to drag it in. she refused to acknowledge the fact that you don't choose to be trans.



2018

parents still being shito, even after an attempted gesture from me. mostly no contact.

mom still playing the innocent victim all the goddamn time. either attempting manipulation or being genuinely paranoid. or both.

she assured me they wouldn't be judging me or going "this doesn't fit you, you're better as a boy" if I were to visit them. but... meh. have to keep in mind that these 'family' members lost their minds at the slightest sign of gender variance. especially 'sister'.

should say a lot that the most supportive person was dad, and he's unable to show actual support or understanding or empathy.

anyway

uncle/aunt/cousins are cool. (guess not being completely consumed by capitalism helps)

so, might visit them? either if they show up at parents' house. or somehow going to their house, but it's in some remote shitland so not sure I can get there without a car.

might visit grandma? I came out to her and she didn't throw a fit, but she was mostly like "you have to hide it so we can pretend to be a united family", which... no.

stay with comrades? 2017 was cool with them



RARGL


so, what do I do there

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul

communism

Thierry
Posted on 09-14-18 07:33 PM Link | #95927
Posted by StapleButter
she assured me they wouldn't be judging me or going "this doesn't fit you, you're better as a boy" if I were to visit them. but... meh. have to keep in mind that these 'family' members lost their minds at the slightest sign of gender variance. especially 'sister'.

well, if your parents say they won't drop such comments then I advise you consider going at least one last time. that way you won't be guilt-trip backstabbed for not going; and you will know if it's ever worth going to anymore.

however, you're gonna have a shitty time if cousins/etc can't make it, so you may want to make sure they will be there. don't feel bad for imposing, just ask and explain to them that thier presence really helps.
[17:45:16] IceFairyAmy: i don't want a girlfriend tbh, it'd be a waste of time

natnew
Posted on 09-15-18 12:34 PM Link | #95932
Posted by Thierry
well, if your parents say they won't drop such comments then I advise you consider going at least one last time. that way you won't be guilt-trip backstabbed for not going; and you will know if it's ever worth going to anymore.


Yeah I agree. Might as well, since all cards are on the table.

Then again I've never been in a situation like that so... idk.


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[image][image][image]

LeftyGreenMario
Posted on 09-17-18 12:34 AM (rev. 2 of 09-17-18 12:35 AM) Link | #95939
Why do or should you think they're entitled to a Christmas with you? That's my question. If you want to plan with other more deserving family members, do that in secret.

Baby Luigi
Posted on 09-27-18 11:21 PM Link | #96019
As far as I'm concerned, your mom doesn't deserve you.

StapleButter
Posted on 09-28-18 06:29 AM Link | #96024
I guess I won't be going or saying anything until they make the first move.


Posted by Baby Luigi
As far as I'm concerned, your mom doesn't deserve you.

words of wisdom there.

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul

communism

Imnotstaple
Posted on 09-28-18 03:05 PM Link | #96029
Ha.

Staple, I'm sure there are lost IRC chats between you and me discussing the toxicity that lies within our parents. I know how you feel whenever your parents are supposed to be "supportive" and all that other good stuff, but in the reality of it all they only want to push there egocentric motives.

I have constant depression and of course they always accuse me of "attention seeking," and they never help me. They are only concerned about themselves, and apparently me being "attention seeking" makes it look bad on them. So get this. They are angry and upset not over the fact that I'm extremely depressed and somewhat suicidal, but because it makes them look "bad." You know, it makes them look like fools because I'm depressed. To help the situation, my dad threatened to kick my ass.

I'm not going to dive deeper into my life because I don't want to stir up "unnecessary things," or lack for a better term. My solution is that I plan to move in with one of my good friends that has been there for me thick and thin. Only then will my life start to show signs of shimmer.

Anywho, of course it's always cool to visit your parents every now and then. That's just the normal thing to do, lol.

It'll be okay, Staple. Knowing you as nothing more than just a user, I get a good vibe from you. You seem honest as is and friendly in general. I'll always be here if you ever need advice for anything at all. Cheers, mate. :)


____________________
sign

Baby Luigi
Posted on 09-28-18 03:31 PM Link | #96033
Technically, your display of depression is attention-seeking, but it's in a genuine "I really need help" sort of way, similar to why some of us resort to self-harm, unlike what your parents think that you're just acting or whatever. And yeah, those types of parents who think that their children is their property and extensions of themselves and think only of the consequences that would happen to them (eg they think that if a kid commits suicide they're concerned only about being a bad parent rather than the fact that a child bloody committed suicide because of how he felt).

There's nothing more I can't stand than people who have this mentality. That and the "sink or swim" type parents, parents who would toss their kids into dangerous waters and blame the kid for not being competent enough for not eventually drowning.

To be honest, once I become indepedent, I don't even know if I should visit my dad again. He has nice days yeah but he has done so much emotional harm to me that I'll never forget.

StapleButter
Posted on 09-28-18 05:51 PM (rev. 2 of 09-28-18 05:51 PM) Link | #96042
this.


like

<me, losing motivation at univ> I'm questioning this course, whether it's the right thing for me
<mom> you're just saying that because it's getting hard and you're lazy

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul

communism

LeftyGreenMario
Posted on 09-29-18 12:43 AM (rev. 2 of 09-29-18 12:48 AM) Link | #96047
Posted by Imnotstaple

Anywho, of course it's always cool to visit your parents every now and then. That's just the normal thing to do, lol.

Disagree. It might work for a "normal", healthy relationship, but this isn't a "normal" relationship. And also, StapleButter, don't feel like you owe abusive parents anything. You visit them, you don't, unless they seek a therapist and wish to change themselves (which I doubt is the case for a lot of these parents because they can't swallow their pride), it's not going to affect how they treat you. If your mom genuinely wants you back, shucks. I mean, don't be an asshole to them. Don't think of it as revenge; treat it as a means of protecting yourself. If it's to her detriment, maybe she should've done a frank and honest self-reflection why you don't want to be with her, which is hard because people like her don't fault themselves out of unaddressed insecurities.

I've read about people who visit their parents again out of guilt/regret for not doing their parents a favor, but they regret that action as their parents give them a bad time for whatever reason.

StapleButter
Posted on 09-29-18 06:04 AM Link | #96049
well, as I said, I'm waiting for them to make the first move in this


and for now, I'm getting zero news from them, even after I apologized to mom for throwing insults at her (which I feel was a mistake, but well, I tried)

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul

communism

HEYimHeroic
Posted on 10-01-18 02:28 PM Link | #96070
everyone seems to be in the right mindset here. i entirely agree that children from abusive parents don't "owe" their parents anything. i think it's perfectly fine and sometimes i encourage it when children suddenly leave and break off all contact with their parent(s).

i don't know how dire and extreme the situation with you is, staple, but honestly, if they really didn't care that much, show that you don't care back. the more attention you feed to abusers the more they will abuse.

____________________
As my great great grandfather used to always say, "dab whip nae nae yeet".

Jamie
Posted on 10-15-18 07:13 AM Link | #96168
Nothing to do with the thread but I'm going to suggest that we add post ratings here because that post Heroic made is really well written and I can't say much more

Also, you shouldn't visit them it they are arent willingnto accept you


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