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Main - Serious discussion - My relationship with my mom has grown considerably worse. New reply


fiver
Posted on 07-29-16 01:30 PM Link | #75180
My mom just walked out on me.

So basically, my mom is a flight attendant. I don't really see her as often as the usual kid.

I'm terrible at talking on the phone, so I always seem unfocused and uninterested when talking on the phone with her. Not a good helper with my case.

So she always gets back and wants to do something with me, eg. go to lunch/dinner, go do something, etc. Being the indoor person I am and not wanting to leave my dad's house (they're divorced.), I usually refuse.

But the problem is, is that she doesn't have breakfast that often. At all. Therefore, she's hungry while I'm not. I always try to tell her that eating something from the house could work. But it doesn't; we don't have any food that my mom would want to eat, really. And I'm not hungry, so I don't want to go places.

My aspergers definitely doesn't help either. I get mad pretty easily, so when she keeps persisting, I keep persisting harder, and louder, and whinier. In the end, I end up getting what I want. Good, right?

No. Not good at all, as matter of fact.

When I end up winning some argument, I don't end up feeling happy or anything. I'm still mad, and I'm also full of guilt for making my mom do what I want all the time, and it makes me feel like a terrible person.

So I then quickly try to convince her that I'll do what she wants, and that it'll be okay. It doesn't work, she's already given up after I argued with her so harshly. And that makes me feel worse, seeing her feel bad.

it's happened so much at this point that today, when I said I didn't want to really do anything this morning and I kept persisting, she walked out on me.

I feel terrible about how I've been generally acting around her. I love her as much as she loves me. What should I do at this point? I really don't want to mess up our relationship even more.
-fiverpost™
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MercuryPenny
Posted on 07-29-16 01:38 PM (rev. 2 of 07-29-16 01:38 PM) Link | #75181
next time you see her and she asks if you want to go out for breakfast, accept. you don't have to order anything, just sit down and talk to her about how bad you feel over this. ask her to forgive you.


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MusiMasta
Posted on 07-29-16 02:21 PM Link | #75185
I mean, you should just spend some time with your mom, just accept it when she wants to eat breakfast or do something with you. It can't be too bad, anyway, and will only take a little bit of time. Refusing and whining just makes things worse and will hurt the relationship with your mom. By accepting, you won't feel guilty anymore, and it will make you feel happier even though you aren't staying inside. I am an indoor person too, but I have found that going outside for a while does help a lot, keep your concentration for what you are doing and reset angry feelings. Also if you aren't hungry, then don't eat. But that doesn't mean you should refuse the offer, it's great for family bonding time even if you don't eat. And just apologize. It will mean a great deal to her, and will make you both feel better.

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LeftyGreenMario
Posted on 07-29-16 07:04 PM Link | #75226
If you feel guilty for wanting to have everything your way, keep in mind, this person is your mother. She wants you to feel happy so it's probably why she probably caves in to your demands. But if you aren't happy because you think you're taking advantage of her, then have a talk together and maybe sacrifice some of your time to be with her. Speak your feelings, be assertive. Your relationship with her doesn't sound terrible to me, this just sounds like a slightly ruffled moment. I don't think it's at jeopardy. Sounds like your mother is just exasperated and doesn't really know how to deal with you (and maybe she doesn't understand how you feel), perhaps that's why she's walking out on you.

Lunarius
Posted on 07-29-16 07:44 PM Link | #75242
From past experience, it's sometimes better for you to be submissive for once. From what I've read, your mom is really giving in to what you want. If she truly cares about you, she will want for you to be happy and will to an extent, spoil you to see you not frown. A parent who cares for their child will always want their child to be happy and will resort to any means to achieve that.

The best advice I have ever gotten from my dad was “Hablando, se entiende la gente,” or “If you speak up, people will understand.




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MusiMasta
Posted on 07-29-16 08:05 PM Link | #75256
"resort to any means to achieve that"

being spoiled this much will not help you in real life. in real life you aren't spoiled. you have to do things you won't like and work together with people that you don't necessarily want to work together with. things won't turn out the way you always want it to be.

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