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Main - Relaxland - If operating systems were... New reply

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StapleButter
Posted on 03-09-16 07:34 PM (rev. 2 of 03-09-16 07:42 PM) Link | #68382
If operating systems were cars



MS-DOS

Engine, wheels, direction, seats. That's all. As basic as it can get. You need to use a hammer to switch gears, like in those old Russian tanks.

Also, the engine runs on coal, which makes it more and more difficult to run a MS-DOS car these days-- this energy is less and less supported, mostly because of the ongoing effort against pollution.



Windows

The Windows car is your common car model. It's easy to drive and maintain. Easy maintenance tasks can be done by the user, more involved tasks can be handled by any garage (or by power users themselves). However, that's all.

Early Windows car models relied on the old MS-DOS engine hacked to run on gasoline, and broke fairly often. But the new NT engine technology made them more stable, and nowadays they're fairly reliable.

The Windows car tends to need regular maintenance. Or so says Microsoft. You can do without it, but with more risk of it breaking if you don't know what you're doing.

The newest model, 10, is controversed. It is hardly more performant or reliable than the 8 or 7 models. It features cameras watching the passengers and all sorts of sensors recording your drive, and all the data are constantly sent to Microsoft. The onboard computer has the typical modern car features (GPS, etc), with wildly inconsistent interfaces, but it also regularly broadcasts ads related to the places you drive by.

Microsoft wants you to get the 10 car so bad, their employees travel the roads disguised as cops to arrest the 7/8 car drivers and force them to swap it for a 10 car. You can tell them to go fuck themselves (they have no relation with the police), but most users are unaware and fall for it.



MacOS

The MacOS car is sleek, elegant, modern, beautiful. It's really easy to drive: seat in, tell it where to go, and it does the rest for you. It can also play music from your iPod or iPhone (but not from Android/Windows phones).

However, you can't maintain it. All you can do is refill gasoline, and you have to get Apple gasoline (which is normal gasoline sold at 10 times the normal price).

You can't open the hood, it can only be opened with a proprietary key. All maintenance tasks must be done by an Apple garage. Any attempt at circumventing this voids the warranty.

Every year, Apple produces new versions of the MacOS car, making the previous ones obsolete. The new models don't change much but they are more expensive. You have to stay up-to-date, because Apple garages refuse to take care of MacOS cars declared obsolete.



Linux

The Linux cars are built by enthusiasts. They exist in several flavors that differ in one way or another: transmission type, number of seats, trunk capacity, etc... However, they all use the same engine.

The Linux car gives you full control over everything. You can fine-tune the engine, adjust the brakes' pressure, mount custom tires, and so on. The onboard computer allows tuning a bunch of things via software and features a command line shell.

You upgrade the Linux car by going to an open-source garage, buying new parts and installing them. Most garages can handle the installation for you.

However, Linux cars can run into a variety of obscure problems. For example: refuses to start if parked on a sloped terrain, won't drive past 65km/h during night, headlights blinking, onboard computer crashing...

Linux cars are growing, but maybe not yet ready for everyday usage, although it all depends on what you want to do.



Android

The Android car is a bus.

Theoretically, the engine is big and powerful. In practice, however, all the load slows it down. It also features a system that helps save fuel and reduce pollution, but that system causes the engine performance to be abysmal. You can bypass it and give the engine full power, but typically, doing so drains the fuel tank empty in less than 30km.

Ads are displayed on the sides and back of the bus.

____________________
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what do you use to measure bolts? a boltmeter

Splitwirez
Posted on 03-09-16 08:43 PM Link | #68383
Lel

Brilliant

Just one minor suggestion: Needs mention of Apple tires XD

SGC
Posted on 03-09-16 09:39 PM Link | #68385
How many Windows does the Windows car have? Does it have a sunroof as well?

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Tierage
Posted on 03-09-16 10:03 PM Link | #68386
Posted by supergamecube
How many Windows does the Windows car have? Does it have a sunroof as well?

The Windows car has so many windows that it's practically made out of glass entirely. Doesn't exactly make it the prettiest thing in the world, though.


...Yourself

Yami
Posted on 03-10-16 01:43 AM Link | #68388
That reminds me to this:
[thumbnail]

Just ignore that Linux Tank for a moment, it's something they Photoshopped next to it, only the Windows and Mac parts of this image are the original.

StapleButter
Posted on 03-10-16 07:09 AM Link | #68391
oh, that one


there's a derivate one
[thumbnail]

(included with a Linux too)

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul

what do you use to measure bolts? a boltmeter

Baby Luigi
Posted on 03-14-16 03:55 PM Link | #68542
Love the comparison. Is there any modern cars that compare to these? I mean, the Windows sounds like a typical Sedan like a Toyota Camry.

MercuryPenny
Posted on 03-14-16 04:34 PM Link | #68550
mac is a bmw, that's for sure


send me your terrible userbars and such to advertize in my footer ;^)
[image]

youtube i never use

CRAWLING IN MY CRAWL THESE CRAWLS THEY WILL NOT CRAWL

StapleButter
Posted on 03-14-16 08:30 PM Link | #68587
MS-DOS is a bike

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul

what do you use to measure bolts? a boltmeter

LeftyGreenMario
Posted on 03-14-16 09:57 PM Link | #68594
Yup, the thread pretty much sums up my opinion on these operating systems and why I hate Apple's products with a passion even though they do have their own qualities.

Baby Luigi
Posted on 03-15-16 02:01 PM Link | #68628
maybe you should do a game console comparison

LeftyGreenMario
Posted on 03-15-16 02:42 PM Link | #68634
Which reminds me, there should be references of operating system wars too...

Baby Luigi
Posted on 03-15-16 02:42 PM Link | #68635
Operating system wars are around as dumb as console ones.

Yami
Posted on 03-15-16 05:11 PM Link | #68650
Posted by Baby Luigi
maybe you should do a game console comparison

How about this one?
[image]

StapleButter
Posted on 03-15-16 05:42 PM Link | #68673
know what's dumber? my mom's stance on Windows 10


"you have to follow progress even if it's shit"


yeah, no thanks

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul

what do you use to measure bolts? a boltmeter

LeftyGreenMario
Posted on 03-15-16 05:45 PM Link | #68675
That begs the question, lol: it isn't progress if it's shit.

Yami
Posted on 03-15-16 07:01 PM Link | #68680
Posted by StapleButter
know what's dumber? my mom's stance on Windows 10


"you have to follow progress even if it's shit"


yeah, no thanks

Which is very different from my mum: Me Upgrading her iPad and iPhone from iOS 6 to iOS 7 resulted into weeks of war at home, just because Apple changed the UI...

Baby Luigi
Posted on 03-15-16 07:02 PM Link | #68682
Posted by StapleButter
know what's dumber? my mom's stance on Windows 10


"you have to follow progress even if it's shit"


yeah, no thanks


words of the ignorant and the childish

just because it's shiny and new doesn't mean it's better

StapleButter
Posted on 03-15-16 07:09 PM Link | #68688
Posted by LeftyGreenMario
That begs the question, lol: it isn't progress if it's shit.

90% of the progress these days is commercial bullshit, honestly


we already have everything we need to live decently (and consider that our ancestors lived for thousands of years without power or cars)

but they need you to constantly consume in order to stay alive, so they have to make up new shit



Posted by Baby Luigi
words of the ignorant and the childish

just because it's shiny and new doesn't mean it's better

this

also, they blindly let Microsoft fuck them

well, their problem, as long as they leave me alone

____________________
NSMBHD - Kafuka - Jul

what do you use to measure bolts? a boltmeter

Baby Luigi
Posted on 03-15-16 07:14 PM Link | #68691
I do like the advancements in medicine and scientific applications though. Our early ancestors lived and died at an old age of, like, 30, while today, more and more people are living to be 100 years old. Plus, those advancements make it tougher to die from a horrible death due to some disease.
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Main - Relaxland - If operating systems were... New reply

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